Panembook : The Hunger Games
by kidforever
Summary: "Let's break it down, okay sweetheart? Accept. My. Friend. Request."
1. Chapter 1

_**Katniss Everdeen**_ updated her location to **District 12.**

_**Katniss Everdeen **_added** Hunter **to her work/occupation.

_**Katniss Everdeen**_ is now friends with **Gale Hawthorne** and **Primrose Everdeen**.

* * *

_**Primrose Everdeen **_has listed **Buttercup** as her pet.

_Comments:_

**Katniss Everdeen:** Damn that bloody cat. I swear it's going to die soon. I wish it drowned when I tried to speed up the process.

**Gale Hawthorne** likes this.

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**Katniss Everdeen: **District 12, where you can starve to death in safety.

**Gale Hawthorne** likes this.

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**Gale** **Hawthorne **posted on **Katniss Everdeen's **wall: Hey Catnip!

**Katniss Everdeen **posted on** Gale Hawthorne's **wall: Don't call me that. Where did you get that loaf of bread?

**Gale Hawthorne **posted on** Katniss Everdeen's **wall: The baker down in the Town traded me a squirrel for it.

**Mr. Mellark** likes this.

**Katniss Everdeen** posted on **Gale Hawthorne's **wall: Uh, yeah. Prim left us this cheese.

**Gale Hawthorne **posted on** Katniss Everdeen's **wall: Thank you Prim! And Happy Hunger Games! And may the odds...

**Katniss Everdeen **posted on** Gale Hawthorne's **wall: Be ever in your favor!

* * *

**Gale Hawthorne **sent **Katniss Everdeen** a private message: Let's run away together.

**Katniss Everdeen **sent** Gale Hawthorne **a private message: Are you crazy? What about our families?

**Gale Hawthorne** sent **Katniss Everdeen** a private message: They could come too...

**Katniss Everdeen** sent **Gale Hawthorne** a private message: I'm never having kids.

**Gale Hawthorne** sent **Katniss Everdeen** a private message: I would, if I didn't live here. Maybe even with you.

**Katniss Everdeen** sent **Gale Hawthorne** a private message: What?

**Gale Hawthorne** sent **Katniss Everdeen** a private message: EVEN WITH YU. Yu! This really hot chick in my grade. NOT YOU. I would NEVER have kids with you.

**Katniss Everdeen** sent **Gale Hawthorne** a private message: I didn't realize I was such a bad option. -.-"

**Gale Hawthorne** sent **Katniss Everdeen** a private message: This conversation is over.

* * *

_**Katniss Everdeen **_is now friends with **Greasy Sae** and **Madge Undersee**.

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**Madge **sent** Katniss Everdeen **a private message: So, who's your friend? The one with the gorgeous dark hair, sterling grey eyes, and ooh, that beautiful olive skin?

**Katniss Everdeen **sent** Madge** a private message: Do you mean me?

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**Greasy Sae: **Once it's in the soup, I call it beef!

**Katniss Everdeen **and** 74 others **like this.

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**Gale Hawthorne** posted on **Madge's** wall: Pretty dress.

**Madge **posted on **Gale Hawthorne's **wall: Well, if I end up going to the Capitol, I want to look nice, don't I?

**Gale Hawthorne **posted on **Madge's **wall: Trust me babe, looking like that, you won't be going anywhere. ;)

**Haymitch Abernathy **likes this.

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**Primrose Everdeen: **Quack!

**Rory Hawthorne **and** Katniss Everdeen **like this.

_Comments:_

**Rory Hawthorne: **Baby, when I was thirteen, I had my first love.

**Primrose Everdeen: **Stop it, Rory. My mother checks my account, she'll see this.

**Katniss Everdeen: **And your blushing.

**Gale Hawthorne: **We Hawthornes' got class.

**Hazelle** **Hawthorne**,** Rory Hawthorne **and** 2 others **like this.

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**Effie Trinket: **Are you ready District 12?

_Comments:_

**Gale Hawthorne: **Someone shoot me. Please.

**Haymitch Abernathy **and** 1053 others **like this.

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**Katniss Everdeen: **Listening to the glorious history of our wonderful nation Panem. And how the Hunger Games is the Capitol's way of saying, "Good luck starting a rebellion now, suckers."

**Gale Hawthorne **and** 12 others **like this.

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**Effie Trinket **posted on** Haymitch Abernath's **wall: Haymitch, behave yourself. Or I'll tie you up.

**Haymitch Abernathy** posted on **Effie Trinket's** wall: Wooooooooooooo. I like my girls fiesty.

**Gale Hawthorne **and** 692 others** like this.

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**Effie Trinket: **Well, what an honor to be in this lovely District. :)

**Haymitch Abernathy: **The pleasure's all mine. ;)

**Katniss Everdeen **and** 430 **others like this.

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**Effie Trinket:** Ladies first! Primrose Everdeen!

_Comments:_

**Katniss Everdeen: **I VOLUNTEER! I VOLUNTEER AS TRIBUTE!

**Effie Trinket: **Lovely.

**Katniss Everdeen: **F*ck you.

**Effie Trinket: **Manners, young lady!

**Gale Hawthorne: **F*ck you.

**Haymitch Abernathy: **That is no way to talk to Ms. Trinket, young man.

**Effie Trinket: **Thank you, Haymitch.

**Haymitch Abernathy: **Besides, that's my job...

* * *

**Haymitch Abernathy **sent** Katniss Everdeen **a friend request. Declined.

**Haymitch Abernathy **sent** Katniss Everdeen **a friend request. Declined.

**Haymitch Abernathy **sent** Katniss Everdeen **a friend request. Declined.

* * *

**Katniss Everdeen: **That's right, I just got saluted. What now?! Click **here** to view "My Awesome Salute".

**Effie Trinket:** Time to choose our boy tribute. Peeta Mellark!

_Comments:_

**Katniss Everdeen: **Why...

**Mrs. Mellark: **Looks like we've finally got a winner!

**Peeta Mellark: **Thanks mum. It means a lot...

**Mrs. Mellark:** She's a fighter, that one.

**Rye Mellark: **And cute.

**Mr. Mellark: **Her aim is perfect, dead bulls-eye!

**Peeta Mellark:** Thank you dear family. Your support warms my heart. -.-''

* * *

**Haymitch Abernathy **and** Peeta Mellark **are now friends.

**Haymitch **likes this.

_Comments:_

**Haymitch Abernathy:** You can't win the games by just a pretty face, you know.

**Peeta Mellark:** Didn't you?

**Haymitch Abernathy:** I like you.

**Peeta Mellark:** :)

**Katniss Everdeen: **Great, just great. Do I have to grovel for you to like me, Haymitch?

**Haymitch Abernathy: **Let's break it down, okay sweetheart? Accept. My. Friend. Request.

**Katniss Everdeen: **I don't do friends.

**Peeta Mellark: **What about you and Gale? Or Madge? Or Greasy Sae?

* * *

**Katniss Everdeen** has blocked **Peeta Mellark**.

* * *

**Author's Note: **Here's where I need your help! If you want this story to include any of your favorite pairings, just review and let me know. The point of "Panembook" is not to promote just one shipping, it's for everyone to see their favorite shippings get a chance in the spotlight!


	2. Chapter 2

**Seneca Crane **created the event **The 74th Hunger** **Games**.

**President Snow **and** 11 937 others **like this.

**Katniss Everdeen**, **Peeta Mellark** and **22 others** are attending.

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_**Katniss Everdeen **_added **Tribute** to her work/occupation.

_**Peeta Mellark **_added **Tribute **to his work/occupation.

* * *

**Katniss Everdeen** sent **Mrs. Everdeen** a private message: Mom? I know this is all sudden and I don't know what you think about me in the Hunger Games and all...

**Katniss Everdeen** sent **Mrs. Everdeen** a private message: ...

**Katniss Everdeen** sent **Mrs. Everdeen** a private message: I'm pregnant.

**Katniss Everdeen** sent **Mrs. Everdeen** a private message: I'm tied onto the railroad tracks. The train's coming my way.

**Katniss Everdeen** sent **Mrs. Everdeen** a private message: Look, District 12 might build a new hospital!

**Mrs. Everdeen** sent **Katniss Everdeen** a private message: Oh! Why didn't you just say so?!

**Katniss Everdeen** sent **Mrs. Everdeen** a private message: That's what I thought... :/

**Mrs. Everdeen** posted on **Katniss Everdeen's** wall: But sweetie? Go kick some butt.

******Katniss Everdeen** sent**Mrs. Everdeen** a private message: Thanks mom. :)

* * *

**Mrs. Mellark: **Buy our new cakes at the Celebration tonight! Only $ 4 each.

_Comments:_**  
**

**Peeta Mellark**: Mom? Your son is going to get slaughtered and all you think about is money?

**Mr. Mellark**: That's ridiculous. We care about you.

**Peeta Mellark**: Really? :D

**Mr. Mellark**: Oh yes my boy. I bribed Katniss into killing you fast and painlessly, in exchange for some fresh cookies. She'll even throw some flowers on your dead body!

**Peeta Mellark**: Lovely.

* * *

**Katniss Everdeen **posted on **Madge Undersee's** wall: Thank you for the mockingjay pin and all.

**Madge Undersee** posted on **Katniss Everdeen's** wall: Your welcome! That's what's friends do, right?

_Comments:_

**Peeta Mellark**: "I don't do friends"? We'll see about that, District Buddy. x)

* * *

**Gale Hawthorne** posted on** Katniss Everdeen's **wall: Thrash those puny little Careers for me, will ya?

**Katniss Everdeen **posted on** Gale Hawthorne's **wall: Will do Captain. Take care of my family for me?

**Gale Hawthorne** posted on** Katniss Everdeen's **wall: I consider them my own. Not to fear, they will be a part of ours one day.

**Katniss Everdeen **posted on** Gale Hawthorne's **wall: What?

**Gale Hawthorne** posted on** Katniss Everdeen's **wall: Auto-correct. Now go on. The train's about to leave.

* * *

**Katniss Everdeen**: What a big baby. Peeta Mellark's crying! Suck it up bread boy.

**Gale Hawthorne** likes this.

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**Peeta Mellark**: One last time, I smell the bread in my oven, the coal nobody's lovin'. This is so crazy, my head's in the daisies. What in the world just happened, I feel like crappin'. Do I come out with my life, or do I lose my "nice"?

**Delly Cartwright** and **245 others** like this.

_Comments:_

**Delly Cartwright**: Peeta! Marry me! I love you!

**Posy Hawthorne**: Why aren't you famous! Can I have your autograph?!

**Hazelle Hawthorne**: You are soo cute!

**Haymitch Abernathy**: Good job boy, getting them ladies.

* * *

**Effie Trinket**: Thank you District 12! Until next year, keep digging!

_Comments:_

**Katniss Everdeen**: Digging your grave.

**Gale Hawthorne **and** 2047 others **like this.

* * *

**Haymitch Abernathy**: So long everybody. And Mr. Hawthorne, don't let those tears ruin your pretty little face. ;D

* * *

**Katniss Everdeen**: Watching the reaping re-caps. Why didn't anyone tell me my braid was falling apart? :o

**Haymitch Abernathy** likes this.

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**Peeta Mellark**: Nothing like annoying the life out of your prissy Capitol baby sitter. We're from District 12. We can handle anything they throw at our way. :)

* * *

**Katniss Everdeen **and **Peeta Mellark **are now friends.


	3. Chapter 3

**Haymitch Abernathy**: I think I just... vomited?

**Effie Trinket **likes this.

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**Peeta Mellark**: Giving my mentor a bath, I think I'd rather be in the Games.

_Comments:_

**Haymitch Abernathy**: Be sure to clean EVERYWHERE.

**Katniss Everdeen** likes this.

**Peeta Mellark**: Dear goodness, Katniss save me.

**Katniss Everdeen**: You're own your own, bread boy.

**Peeta Mellark**: Aren't we friends?

**Katniss Everdeen**: PANEMBOOK friends is not the same as real friends.

**Haymitch Abernathy**: True, I was wondering how you ended up with so many friends on here. You're not very likable.

**Effie Trinket** likes this.

* * *

**Katniss Everdeen**: Prim, if your reading this, be safe. And tell that cow Buttercup that it'd be more useful as soup.

* * *

**Haymitch Abernathy**: My advice : Stay alive. Am I a great mentor, or am I a great mentor?

_Comments:_

**Peeta Mellark**: That's hilarious. But not to us.

**Katniss Everdeen**: I'm beginning to think you won by everyone else forfeiting.

**Haymitch Abernathy**: Oh lookey here. We've actually got some fighters, haven't we?

**Mrs. Mellark**: #teamkatniss. Katniss, when you come home with all the money and nice house, my son Rye is looking for a nice girl...

**Peeta Mellark**: Mom. That's low. Even for you.

**Mrs. Mellark**: Shut your mouth boy. All that baking has made you fat. You could win by rolling everyone over.

**Katniss Everdeen**: No way Mrs. Mellark, I am never, ever, not even if I'm sent to hell, becoming your daughter-in-law.

**Peeta Mellark**: ...

* * *

**Haymitch Abernathy**: So you really want to know what'll get you through the Games? Get people to LIKE you.

_Comments:_

**Peeta Mellark**: On it. Just posted a video called "I'm Peeta and I Know It!" on twelveTube. That alright?

**Haymitch Abernathy **and** 6921 others **like this.

**Haymitch Abernathy**: Good start.

* * *

_**Katniss ****Everdeen**_ updated her location to** The Capitol**.

_**Peeta Mellark **_updated his location to **The Capitol**.

_**Haymitch Abernathy **_updated his location to **The Capitol**.

* * *

**Katniss Everdeen** is now friends with **Venia**, **Flavius** and **1 other**.

_Comments:_

**Katniss Everdeen**: I feel like a plucked chicken.

**Venia**: I'm sorry dear, you're just soooo haiiiirrryyy! Eeeeeeee!

**Katniss Everdeen**: Thank you for all your work. We just don't have much cause to look nice back home.

**Octavia**: Oh you poor thing! Such a lovely girl. My bets are certainly on you!

**Haymitch Abernathy**: Well played.

* * *

**Katniss Everdeen **is now friends with** Cinna**.

_Comments:_

**Katniss Everdeen**: I feel odd, like I've met him in another life. And he's a complete stranger but it feels personal.

**Haymitch Abernathy**: Well, he has seen you naked. About as personal as you can get.

**Peeta Mellark**: WHAAT?

* * *

**Peeta Mellark **is now friends with** Portia**.

_Comments:_

**Peeta Mellark**: Guess what Katniss? Portia has seen me nude too. :)

**Cinna**: Back off dough boy. Portia is mine.

**Katniss Everdeen**: Dough boy. #impressive

* * *

**Katniss Everdeen**: Opening Ceremonies here we come! But what to wear?

* * *

**Katniss Everdeen:** Screw that. I have a feeling we're going naked.

**Peeta Mellark** likes this.

_Comments:_

**Gale**: I swear to... Mellark, mess with her, and you'll wish you were never baked... I mean born. Shit.

* * *

**President Snow: **What a spectacular beginning to the Games! Those chariots are lovely as always. My– hold on– what a stunning beauty from District 1. And those legs–

_Comments:_

**Glimmer**: Heeeheee 3 ;D

**Cato**: You're lucky that you're the President. Otherwise...

**Marvel**: Woah woah. Little bitch, back off Cato. She's mine.

**Cato**: ...We'll see about that.

* * *

**Peeta Mellark**: Wow, here I am. Holding your hand. Just the two of us.

**Katniss Everdeen**: I can feel a connection. -.-"

**Peeta Mellark**: I know right?! :D

* * *

**President Snow**: Welcome tributes to the 74th Annual Hunger Games Opening Ceremonies! As I can see, you have done a stellar job in presenting your asses– um, I mean assets. I wish you good luck in your journey to become Victor which shall bring you honor and glory. Thank you.

_Comments:_

**Glimmer**: Call me maybe?

**President Snow**: Heyyyy, sexy laady!

**Seneca Crane**: Oh. My. God. Not again... Mr. President, it is against the rules...

**President Snow**: Care to join us?

**Seneca Crane**: Never mind.

* * *

**Author's Note: **I saw The Social Network yesterday. My god, it was fantastic. Andrew Garfield = Perfection.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: **Happy Holidays and a late Christmas! And as usual, the characters (Katniss) have awful sailor mouths. Where is that soap...

* * *

**Katniss Everdeen: "**They say I'm up and coming like I'm fucking in an elevator." In an elevator. Ready for the Gamemakers.

_Comments:_

**Haymitch Abernathy:** Go get 'em girl!

**Peeta Mellark:** Good luck babe. ;D

**Gale Hawthorne:** What. the Fuck. Peeta Mellark, I will squish the dough out of you.

**Peeta Mellark:** Come at me, bro. Katniss + Peeta forever.

**Gale Hawthorne:** Ah. Peenis forever?

**Peeta Mellark:** Fuck you GAYle.

* * *

**Katniss Everdeen:** First arrow shot.

_Comments:_

**Haymitch Abernathy:** And?

* * *

**Katniss Everdeen:** Second shot.

_Comments:_

**Haymitch Abernathy:** And?

* * *

**Katniss Everdeen:** Third shot.

_Comments:_

**Haymitch Abernathy:** Damn it woman! What happened?

**Katniss Everdeen: **Sworn to secrecy, remember? Can't tell.

******Haymitch Abernathy: **IT'S OKAY IF YOU TELL US.

**********Katniss Everdeen:** Okay. I shot the Gamemakers.

******************Haymitch Abernathy:** See, that wasn't so hard. It all worked out.. Wait... oh fuck.

* * *

**Katniss Everdeen **posted on** The Gamemakers **wall: What? Kat got your tongue? ;)

**Haymitch Abernathy **likes this.

* * *

**President Snow **sent** Seneca Crane **a private message: This. Is. Ridiculous.

**Seneca Crane** sent** President Snow** a private message: She's got fire.

**President Snow **sent** Seneca Crane **a private message: Fire will burn us all down!

**Seneca Crane** sent** President Snow** a private message: She's an underdog.

**President Snow **sent** Seneca Crane **a private message: That's what I was. Now look at me.

**Seneca Crane** sent** President Snow** a private message: She has a nice butt.

**President Snow **sent** Seneca Crane **a private message: Okay, keep her...

* * *

**Katniss Everdeen:** ELEVEN! HELLS YES TO 1 TO THE 1!

Comments:

**Haymitch Abernathy:** So proud. :'( My little baby, off to destroy people. Touching.

**Peeta Mellark:** Well, I got an eight? Huh? Huh?

**Mrs. Mellark:** YOU GO GIRLFRIEND! BEAT THE DAISIES OUT OF THOSE LITTLE SHITS! :D

**Gale Hawthorne:** I believe it is... beat the katniss out of those little shits. Good job Catnip. :)

**Mr. Mellark:** Yes, we're celebrating your obvious victory right now. Lots of cake! And money!

**Peeta Mellark: **You know what 'dear family'? Fuck me.

**Gale Hawthorne:** No thank you.

**Rye Mellark**, **Mr. Mellark** and **Mrs. Mellark** like this.

* * *

**Katniss Everdeen:** Ha ha! So the little bun got scared and ran away. Haymitch says we're being coached separately now. Well I got news for you Peeee-ta! CAN'T TOUCH THIS!

* * *

**Caesar Flickerman:** Ladies and Gentlemen of Panem! The 74th Annual Hunger Games Tribute Interviews will commence now!

**13 725 others** like this.

* * *

**Caesar Flickerman** posted on** Glimmer's **wall: So Glimmer... you're looking gorgeous tonight.

**Glimmer** posted on **Caesar Flickerman's** wall: I got dolled up for one person, and one person only.

_Comments:_

**Cato:** Mine. Mine. Mine.

**Marvel:** Hit me baby!

**Cato:** What'd I tell you fuck face? Back off!

**President Snow: **Glimmer. You are my teenage dream.

**Glimmer: **EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I love you santa baby!

**Marvel:** What the fuck...

* * *

**Caesar Flickerman** posted on Cato's wall: Cato, my boy! Wow. Hold on folks. Look at those muscles... This is no boy.

_Comments:_

**Marvel:** Yeah, he's a hamster.

**Cato:** Shut up. Caesar, do you wanna feel them?

**Caesar Flickerman:** Can I? :D

**Clove:** Not very impressive...

**Cato:** You little–Wait. Clove? Is your profile picture actually you?

**Clove:** No doofus, it's my dog. Yes, that's me.

**Cato:** I like what I see... um... do you wanna watch me work out or something...?

**Clove:** This better be good. Or my knife meets your neck.

**Cato:** Don't worry. You'll have the time of your life. ;)

**Clove:** -.- Stick to hitting on those punching bags, not me.

* * *

**Caesar Flickerman** posted on **District 5 Female Tribute's** wall: So... what's your name?

**District 5 Female Tribute** posted on **Caesar Flickerman's** wall: I don't know. You tell me.

**Caesar Flickerman** posted on **District 5 Female Tribute's** wall: No seriously. I need to know.

**District 5 Female Tribute** posted on **Caesar Flickerman's** wall: Let's just call me I.P. Freely.

**Caesar Flickerman** posted on **District 5 Female Tribute's** wall: Okay, I.P. Freely... nice name.

**District 5 Female Tribute** posted on **Caesar Flickerman's** wall: Thank you. :)

* * *

**Caesar Flickerman** posted on **Rue's** wall: Hello little girl.

**Rue **posted on** Caesar Flickerman's** wall: What the hell is wrong with you. Do I look little? Tell that to your wiener. That's who's little.

**Caesar Flickerman** posted on **Rue's** wall: Sorry Rue, you are a big girl.

**Rue **posted on** Caesar Flickerman's** wall: Now you calling me fat?

* * *

**Caesar Flickerman** posted on **Thresh's** wall: Good day Thresh.

**Caesar Flickerman** posted on **Thresh's** wall: How do you do?

**Thresh** posted on **Caesar Flickerman's** wall: Good.

**Caesar Flickerman** posted on **Thresh's** wall: That's wonderful. Are you excited for the games?

**Thresh** posted on **Caesar Flickerman's** wall: No.

**Caesar Flickerman** posted on **Thresh's** wall: Is your family happy?

**Thresh** posted on **Caesar Flickerman's** wall: No.

**Caesar Flickerman** posted on **Thresh's** wall: Are you happy?

**Thresh** posted on **Caesar Flickerman's** wall: No.

**Caesar Flickerman** posted on **Thresh's** wall: Well, will you be happy?

**Thresh** posted on **Caesar Flickerman's** wall: When I use your head my potty plunger.

**Caesar Flickerman** posted on **Thresh's** wall: Moving on.

* * *

**Author's Note: I think the humor picked up at the end, but nonetheless, that was fun to write. I think I'll leave the District 12 interviews till the next chapter. Until then... :)**


End file.
